This article, The Diary of Cato, was written by Clove1001. Please do not edit this fan fiction without the author's permission.

Wake up. Eat some coffee. Put the fish sticks in the toaster.

It sounds like someone's singing.

Then I remember the other day when my brother got a 2-second part in a play at school and now he has a strong, undaunted beleif that he is a world-famous rockstar (Like lady gaga)

so finally i am driven to madness by his unrelenting feminine screeching.

and I get up.

I think my older brother (aka my "guardian" as he puts it) went outside and collected some of "nature's cold bagels" (aka ROCKS.)

So we had nature's cold ROCKS.

Not fun.

I actually didn't eat mine and now I think I should have because here at the reaping place, they must think some volcano's gonna go off, judging by the noises my stomach is making:

"Grrrrrowwwwgrrkkkkkshhhh Rowowowowo..."


The littlest guy I've ever seen (EVER seen) gets reaped.

He's like this tall:



^^^ that tall. So I decide to volunteer. Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done.

"I volunteer," I say.

"What is your name, my dear?" The escort asks dreamily.

I'm just awesome that way.

But I'm not "her deer", and she knows it.

So I tell her my name.

I think that's about when I realize I just made the biggest mistake...

... EVER.

Because yeah, that's about when CLOVE EMERSON GETS REAPED.

Now, Clove has always been the hottest girl in Ear -- SCHOOL!!! *coughcough I MEANT school!

So it was just....

{C}It was totally....

I felt like an IDIOT when I went up there with her.

Mainly because her awesomeness was...



{C}Then it was 8:15 and we got on the tribute train.


So the tribute train has already been to District 1, right? So THOSE tributes are there. There' a boy named Marvel and a girl named Glimmer.

And there's no other way to say that Glimmer's preeeeeeeettyyyyyyyyy......

Marvel asks me a question. I think it was, "How did your breeches flow?"

So I replied, "My breeches flowed fine... wait, what? I mean, MY REAPING WENT GREAT THANKS."

Luckily, I said the firt part quietly so no one heard it but me.

The tribute train picks up more tributes. District 3 loks like they might be of some use, but I can't figure out what that is yet... District 4 looked HOPELESS. I HATE ducks. They always think they have the right to quack right there in your face.

District 5 were both redheads, which was cool. I made a mental note to murder the pairs from 6, 7, and 8 personally. District 9 was bad. So was 10. The boy from 11 was like, tall, but the girl was, like, tiny.

And the pair from District 12 were obviously sobbing their heads off.

So me and Marvel make a game out of wo can stare at them the most. It's fun making people feel awkward in their new surroundings, unless it's you who's feeling awkward.

{C}A few days passed, and then BOOM! Just like that, we're doing Chariot rides.

And I am freaked out.

I have a thing about standing up and waving in front of people. First of all, it makes me feel UBERCHEESY (which I most ceartinly am NOT) and secondly... I don't really know anything else, but there has to be something. Oh yeah -- what if I FALL OUT? Thirdly...

Anyway, I had "Getting dressed with Kylia" or whatever my prep team calls it. Kylia is one of the prep team members, if that's what they're called.

And she is as annoying as the H-E-double-hockey-sticks* place.

 *double hockey sticks look like 2 L's next to each othr, if you've never seen one.

Finally I get to meet my stylist.

After they do some things I would really prefer not to write here.

And first of all, my stylist was a BOY thank GOD because I definetly had enough girl for one day. Actually, for like, ever.

So yeah, let me just give you the basics.

I was supposed to be some sort of warrior so I got pants and a shirt and knives and makeup (I hated that. Took all my willpower not to scream like a banshee and call my stylist a "sick monkey" which I have done to several people). I vetoed the Indian headdress. Hel-LO? GIRLY!

So anyway, it's finally time to go. And my heart is pounding like some bongos being played by an insane angry, and slightly deranged gorilla. Or one of those baboons with the neon glow-in-the-dark butts.

I take a deep breath and get up in the chariot (whish is a regular black seat but on the sides there are knives painted on it (SO COOL XD) Clove stands a little away to give me some room.

Then I hear them announcing District 2.

{C}And then as soon as the chariot rides are over, we're in the training center. I see lots of pressy buttons :P

We are allowed to go up to our rooms.

Clove shows me how some of the stuff works.

When she says, "Wheat bread," wheat bread comes out.

I say, "Humoungous jar of peanut butter."

I love peanut butter.

If I was allergic to it, I'd die.

I'm allergic to a lot of things:

Rhino Somethin-somethin (not real rhinos. Like a medicine)


Dust Mites (but sometimes I accidentally eat them)

Broccoli (well not really)

Fried Zucchini

My little brother. I am HIGHLY, SEVERELY ALLERGIC to him.

But see? No peanut butter. Which is just fine, by me.

Before I go

So I go to bed the next night and when I wake up I decided to take a shower.

What I WASN'T counting on was Brutus to unexpectantly RIP THE SHOWER CURTAIN OPEN.

And luckily the towel was right there thank GOD because I swore I would never let anyone see me naked.




He told me to get my little pink butt downstairs. I told him my but was not little OR pink. It was let's not really discuss that right now.

So I go down to the training center. We're the first ones there.

He sees me.

"Get in here private!" he yells.

I get in there, private.

"Now I want you all to have 6-packs like ME!" he instructs us.


I go over to my bag thing on the benches.

"I have a 6-pack," I say. "ONly it's actually a 5-pack because I already had one. But still, it WAS a 6-pack."

"WOOD!" he screams.

"Where?" I ask. "You're afraid of wood?"


Nerdy head.

"I AM NOT A NERDY HEAD!" I scream. I jump on him and start to beat his guts out with the sprite bottles.

He dodges a can and 2 hit him in the face. I jump on him and start beating him with the other 2 cans until they explode all over him and then he's chasing me and I hide behind all the targets.

Then more people come. Glimmer, Marvel, and the pairs from 5.

We start to wait around for our stations.

Then the District 12 pair comes down. They are just showing off now, becasue they think they're the best at everything, ever since they ever got on those chariot rides and went all around with their butts on fire.

The lady finally releases us, and I go to the spears because they look all dangerous and like I can kill someone

Clove and Marvel and Glimmer are all with me.

So we have a big spear-throwing party, right there, in the training center.

And being the most epicly awesome superpowerful being that I am, I hit every target. Except the one that I missed.

Yeahhhh fun times.

Ever written a song before? I needed something to take my mind off the games, so I wrote one.

"One day while in the bathtub."

An original song by none other than the world's role-model himself: Cato Wood (applause THUNDEROUS applause)

One day while in the bathtub!

I was a slam! Oh yeah!

Soap! Oh, the fame! I was a slam!

I wave the bar of soap above my awesomeness hair and I say

One day while in the bathtub! Yeah!

Cuz bathtubs are so awesome!

They are fawsome!

Flood the bathroom if it means one dy while in the bathtub

You can be a slam like moi, the all powerful, super amazing, extremely wonderful VICTOR of the 74th Hunger Games... OH YEAH!

One day while in --"

"What the ! do you think you're doing?" asks a voice.

I twist and fall off my bed.

It's my mentor, Brutus, in his fancy victor's sleepers.

"Nothing!" I say. "BUT, while you're here, I have a few requirements. I will only go to sleep IF I have some red sleepers like YOURS. And TOE HOLES. And 10 LARGE PEPPERONI PIZZAS. Well, maybe not 10. Maybe more like 2. And I also need some spears for practice and did I mention my toe-holes? Well, I require toe-holes -- hey wait! Where are you going! I'm not done! A hot tub! With 16 ladies all trying to --"

A minute later he comes back with all my requirements, except for the last one (which really disappoints me! But oh well.)

"Anything to shut you up,"he says.

"Thanks!" I say, putting on my new sleepers.

Ahh, what an amazing sight. I look beautiful in them. Then I test out their strength.

"My hips go round and round and round and round! Man these are great! Oh what a beauty! Man! I look like a MODEL in these! I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth! These are great! Sassier than... than... OATMEAL!"

Brutus stares at me.

He sighs and walks away.

I go to bed.